A question I would ask “How do I look?”
“The moment we are obsessed about our physical body and the structure and shape and we have traded in spirituality for this obsession of our temple is a moment we have lost connection with Mother Earth.”
In today’s society it is so easy to become obsessed about the physical. Within my blog throughout the years, I have utilized it as a platform to express emotions I experience about my exterior appearance and my efforts to achieve my own definition of beauty. I unfortunately, find myself caught in a perpetual cycle of struggling to love my own reflection. Between the media, advertisements, and social media platforms; I am inundated with information and images that make me feel reminded that I am not there yet. I am apart of a generation that is so hyper exposed to exploitation, nudity and superficial values. Despite how much progress I feel I have made with diet, exercise, and confidence, I too often find myself questioning and tearing myself apart. “What am I wearing this?” “Why don’t I dress ‘sexier’ like her?” “Why, with all my changes do I feel still feel unevolved?” These self-doubts easily result in disconnection.
Disconnection equals disease: dis-connection, dis-ease, and dis-order. Things I proactively try to avoid by making a healthy diet, exercise, good sleep, and self-care practices apart of my lifestyle. For years I experienced many symptoms having experienced; divorced parents, open heart surgery, family division, trauma, hormones imbalances, toxicity, birth control, over sterile environment, stress, overloaded schedule of work and school, drinking, going out, lack of sleep, bad relationships. Many of the symptoms manifested as; micro valve prolapses, heart murmur, fainting spells, constipation, diarrhea, leaky gut, weight fluctuation, face acne, back acne, mood swings, insomnia, anxiousness, comparison, anger outbursts. For many years I let things be what they were. Addicted to doing more so I could feel more; buying more to I could cover up in close and pretend everything was okay.
“The body is an energy field being pure energy every emotion is a vibration the energy of that emotion can be too much and can get trapped within the body and manifest as other things such as disconnection and disease.”
I was disconnected from my real self; I never accepted myself, I isolated, and moved away from being aligned with who I was meant to be. I began to repeat a complex cycle of binging and purging. I would eat too much then restrict, buy too much then get rid, and repeat. The more I was doing, academically and professionally, the better I felt. The more I was experiencing, traveling and locally, the bigger I felt. The more equated to the binge, until I burnt out from it all which resulted in unavoidable purge. I was aware but stuck; awareness was a start but was not enough. I would try quick fixes to a slimmer me, buy clothes that would make me appear as I thought I should. I was continually set myself up for failure by breaking promises to myself ignoring that these are all symptoms. It was about getting to the root of all the dis-connection, dis-ease, dis-function, and dis-order; what I needed was self-love. Majority of the bad habits I had adopted were essentially survival patterns. I had grown disengaged and resistant to what was really going on and felt ashamed of my emotional body. The body that needed love.
“Health is love. Health happens with alignment in one’s life. Our bodies are telling us a story of repetitive behavior from programmed neurological pathways. Telling our bodies new stories creates new neurological pathways – our bodies have the ability to heal itself.”
I have been focusing on allowing my body to heal itself. While I have made progress, I am still not where I intend to be. Recently, I have used mentors such as Dr. Mariza and her book The Essential Oils Hormone Solution. From buying her books, following her Instagram account, and signing up on her email roster I have gained some many helpful tools. It is thanks to Dr. Mariza that I found Razi Berry’s Love is Medicine series. Listening to the seven-video series was a reminder to celebrate the changes that have stuck and those I continually work on. I have a thorough understanding of the following:
- Food is the foundation. Food is medicine make it the foundation in addition to cutting micro toxins and making detoxification lifestyle.
- A body in motion stays in motion; movement and sunlight are also crucial for wellbeing and circadian rhythm.
- The body needs sleep
- Reduce toxic load. For two years I have switched all the brands I use to zero or low tox alternatives. I have even opted to making a lot of things myself.
I view these four things as foundations, and consistently focus on them. I ask myself if I made these a foundation because I love myself or, do I love myself because I made these a foundation? These foundations support my body; my physical form for mental clarity. In addition to these four, I also have been working to adopt, thanks to Dr. Mariza, self-care rituals to support my spiritual form for emotional clarity. Prior to finding Dr. Mariza I was using essential oils for a year, but thanks to her I have taking the implementation of essential oils in my daily life to the next level. They support my sleep, emotions, and wellness. I literally use them for everything. They help raise my vibration to a new level of high. To protect my vibrations, in addition to oils, I use exercise as a form of meditation, read, journal, connect with nature, and try to stay away from low energy music, television, foods, and friends.
I have been in deep reflection of the company I keep and relationships I maintain. My body sends me so many messages and I have been working through deciphering what is possible judgement verses intuition. I am working on trusting what my body tells me whether if it I need more veggies, more sleep, less connection with a specific thing or person. Superficial friendships without deep connection affect me just as much as what the deep connection may be around. It is said to evaluate the five closest people in your life. To evaluate their beliefs, goals, and the exchange. Trauma can affect our physiology, if I don’t feel safe within a relationship, I default back to my child setting, the setting the wants to purge. While I count the blessings of the friendships I have formed over the years, I wish to only invite positive and deep connections that are not centered around complaining, gossip, past, negativity and ego but rather more high frequency things such as shared hobbies, dreams, present, positivity, and love.
While having positive relationships is important, as I crave connection, the most important relationship is the relationship I have with myself. When I nature and love me I can better seek healthy relationships built around love. I want everything to be love, no other title will fulfill the same. Love is how I want to support my body, how I treat myself, how I treat others, and how other treat me. I want to be and embody love. I want people around me to see and feel love; not hot, sexy, cute, fat, skinny and all the other superficial things. I am authentic to know where I am at and over myself compassion that it may not always be where I want to be.
Switching my programing from saying I will be healthy, beautiful, fit….to
I am LOVED
Episode one: It’s not all in Your Head
Episode two: How we get Sick
Episode three: Where Healing Comes From
Episode four: Healing the Past, Healing the Present
Episode five: Self-Love & Loving Others
Episode six: Body’s Wisdom
Episode seven: Love is Medicine